Sometimes I want to sleep because of the migraine. Some time, it is the thing that keeps me awake. It's been years, more than I can count with these little fingers on my two hands, that I've experienced this chronic pain in my head; sometimes left, sometimes right, sometimes there's a big wish to put a bullet through my forehead or just bash my skull on the cold concrete. I don't need a doctor, I pretty much know what it is, one of the legacies my grandmother gave my mom to also breed them in me; the other one is litres of wild acid in our stomachs. I also don't need special drugs, I'm used to the pain, 2 tabs of legal upper and downer such as Bodrex Extra will temporarily supress the pain.
But sometimes, I also just want to give everything up. Some time, the pain comes like Mjölnir on full speed and stops abruptly right in my outer skull, like my head were the hand of Thor. Sometimes, the pain is 5 dozens of tiny needles pricking tiny bits of my brain one at a time, with interval of microseconds between them, makes me want to tear my hair out to fucking eliminate the itch and those annoying little pain. Some time, the pain stays like dictators or colonials; it's Hitler or Western Countries, like Quraisy who forced Muhammad to do Hijrah, or like death; stays, stagnant, flatline (unless I'm unknowingly Moses).
My head is filled with Venus Flytraps; instead of luring flies and eat them, my head is eating pieces of me bits by bits, little by little, maybe until they eat my whole consciousness. Until I forget who I am. Until I forget to take a breath or how to breathe. Until my body forget how to live. Until then, PLEASE CAN SOMEONE PUT A BULLET IN MY HEAD? (That's rhetoric, dumbass).
14 Octilon 2022. In my itching and aching part of brain.
Pasha Fatahillah.
