I've always find myself to have tendencies towards addiction; alcohol, caffeine, nicotine, running, online gambling, and loving are the biggest addictions I have. When you're an addict, you'll always find and make your reasons to crave the next hit, good or bad doesn't matter as long as there is a reason. 

I know smoking is bad, drinking is worse, both combined is worst. But hey, I still have my reasons for it. The bad news is, now I'm addicted to you. And Oh, God, how do I know this is bad for me.


I love seeing you talk, despite of you who don't have any time to hear something else but yourself. I love seeing you sleep, the serene expression and the near silence of you. I love seeing you smile and being a little cry baby desperately trying to find someone to cling on; more often than not, you cling onto me. I love seeing you care about everyone else but me. And Oh, God, how do I know what will come next.

I know how to break addiction. Destroy the reasons or find something else to be addicted to. And Oh, God, how do I not want to do either.

Oh, God, how fucked am I.

2 February 2026. En route to Ouroboros.
MEMENTO VIVERE

Pasha Fatahillah is a writer and "Jack of All Trades" currently observing life from Cambodia. This manuscript is part of a decade-long evolution of thought.

Upcoming Anthology: Evolusi Yang Mati (2016-2026).