"I thought you wanted to fuck," she said with confused look on her face. She looks at me standing from the bed, wondering, almost like trying to break into my mind.

"No. Well, yes, I did. But now I'm here with you in this room, I just can't stomach the thought of sleeping with someone else other than her." I grab a handful of my hairs, trying to tear them out in this stressful situation.

"She's your ex now. Best chance is she has a new boy by now." She lit her cigarette. Couldn't give a single flying fuck about how I feel.

"I know! I fucking know! It just ... Feels wrong." I look at the window.

Outside, there lays the city that never sleeps. The only witness of my past relationship that will never judge and say anything about it. The city that only knows, and never had any intention to open its mouth. The city that swallow me whole with its noise.

I wonder, in which part of the city she's at right now? Is she ok? Is she going out with someone? At the time like this, I'm sure she's drunk; will that motherfucker she's going out with protect her? I miss her, so badly it hurts.

"You still love her, don't you?" The woman on the bed open her mouth again, bringing me to reality that I'm still in this very room with a half naked woman on the bed.

"Yes," I said softly, weak almost.

I will always love her, in fact. Until this city is gone. Until this city open its mouth to get me over her. Until somehow, someone with an uncanny resemblance of her came out of nowhere, offering the same silence she gave my mind years ago. Until then, I will always love her.

Bandung, 27 August 2020.

In the place we met.