A Letter for the Dead
Maret 16, 2021
Bandung, 16 March 2021.
Dear, The Dead.
It's been a long time since you all left me. A long time, I lost count. But don't worry, I've already made a peace pact with the past; I also made a promise to someone I barely know, but she's a great person I'm sure about that.
The last time I had imaginary conversation with you all, you said, "Be positive". And God knows I tried, I still am trying. 70% of the time I'm faking my smile, the rest I can assure you it's genuine. There's this one new girl I met, she's fine but the more time I spent looking at her; she's weirdly amazing. I can't stop smiling when I see her, that's the 30%. I'm not even ready to start a new relationship, she also has a boyfriend but at least I can smile. Really smile. Now I remember how good smiling feels like.
I have a full time job now. The first two days was hell, but I'm fine. At least the salary is good enough to feed me and my mum, paying my loans and save some for me to go to college. Yes, my mum is fine, despite the constant migraine and GERD which I also have. Everything's fine. Speaking about college, though, I'm not going to take Psychology; I had enough, you all were enough. I already decided to take English Literature, trying to be the next Shakespeare or some shits. Maybe next year, or the year after, or five years after; I don't care, I'm not going to stop. I don't even think to stop to go to college; I need that shit. So, pray for me; you all have positional advantage of being the closest to God.
Gran-Gran, I miss you but I'm sorry I still can't visit your grave. My ego and emotions are just too fucking big to even step my rotten feet on that ground.
Temaram, it's been a while I have no one by my side. It's ok, heartaches are healing. I hope you're having fun in your grave with some imaginary guitar singing our songs.
For you all Soul Savers bastards; I'm sorry and the guilt is still on me for not keeping you all alive.
Bobo, God still hates me the same way I do to him. I'm sorry.
For you all, I love you and please watch my back.
Sincerely, the one who breathe all of your spirits.
Pasha Fatahillah.
Pic Credit: Matthew Macquarie
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